Wait. Go. Wait. Go. Wait. Go.  Lord, where would you send me?  God is doing things all over the world.  Healing the sick, mending the broken heart, and  bringing Truth and Justice to people from every corner of the world.  Where do we fit in?  What is our role in the midst of waiting?  In the midst of searching? In the midst of not wanting to make the wrong decision?  I believe the answer is to love God with our whole heart, our whole soul, our whole mind, and our whole strength and to love people as we love ourselves.   Each morning I rise and hear God say to me seek my Kingdom first.  What does this mean?  I'm learning that God wants me to know that He will take care of my needs and to seek out loving people and bringing them to more of a knowledge of who they are and that they were created with purpose and can experience freedom from pollution in their lives.  When I turn my worry to prayer and my anxiety to worship it provides a supernatural peace and helps me to look outside myself and to focus more on others.  Others.  Others. Others.  How great that God gives us people to do life with, to encourage, to cry with, to LAUGH with.  Haha!  I love laughing.  He heals us and allows us to journey in what He is ALREADY doing.  What a great God that He allows us to partner with what He is doing.  Seek His Kingdom.  It is far more rewarding than anything else I've experienced in my life. 

Sing Out Loud. You're a Symphony

Do you ever feel so much joy that you can actually feel a lightness and contentment in your spirit, in your being? Today is one of those days. Today is a day where I want to overflow with thanksgiving. I want to share gratitude and hope so others will feel and know that there are great seasons of joy and where the bones that have been crushed rejoice again. I picture a winding path that we all walk along, take courage, don't ever forget you are never alone even on that path. My rustic path that is in the deep of the country has been filled with a variety of odd, but beautiful full lush bushes. These bushes are intricately different in there beauty, some in the form of housing, others in career, and in relationships. I loved these bushes. However, even though these bushes were on my road, I needed them to move to continue my walk to see what was behind the bush, to see what was next on the path. I will take courage walking on this path and thank God for the bushes that He gave me to enjoy. I choose to walk in freedom and love on my path.

We can walk it out together.

Ramblings of a Beautiful Mess

Oswald Chambers said, “If human love does not carry a man beyond himself, it is not love. If love is always discreet, always wise, always sensible and calculating, never carried beyond itself, it is not love at all. It may be affection, it may be warmth of feeling, but it has not the true nature of love in it.”

Think about the degree of restraint or abandon you show in your relationship with Jesus (and with others). Consider the conscious or unconscious decisions you are constantly making about the way you’ll act in that relationship. When does emotional momentum stir you? What do you do when it does? Under what circumstances do you set limits or hold back? What expectations or fears underlie your decisions?

(Solo)

Personally, control, pride, and more recently mistrust are barbed wire words surrounding me and many times suffocate my ability to love well. These strong and deathly words affect my ability to fully love God and to love people, to love the down in spirit, to love the lost, and to love myself fully. My hope is that I can die to myself and my foolish ways and thoughts and let God’s love reign in me. On that note here is a story of true love and forgiveness:

Do you see this Woman?

Luke 7:37-47

Just then a woman of the village, the town harlot, having learned that Jesus was a guest in the home of the Pharisee, came with a bottle of very expensive perfume and stood at his feet, weeping, raining tears on his feet. Letting down her hair, she dried his feet, kissed them, and anointed them with the perfume. When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, "If this man was the prophet I thought he was, he would have known what kind of woman this is who is falling all over him."

⁴⁰Jesus said to him, "Simon, I have something to tell you."

"Oh? Tell me."

^41-42"Two men were in debt to a banker. One owed five hundred silver pieces, the other fifty. Neither of them could pay up, and so the banker canceled both debts. Which of the two would be more grateful?"

^43-47Simon answered, "I suppose the one who was forgiven the most."

"That's right," said Jesus. Then turning to the woman, but speaking to Simon, he said, "Do you see this woman? I came to your home; you provided no water for my feet, but she rained tears on my feet and dried them with her hair. You gave me no greeting, but from the time I arrived she hasn't quit kissing my feet. You provided nothing for freshening up, but she has soothed my feet with perfume. Impressive, isn't it? She was forgiven many, many sins, and so she is very, very grateful. If the forgiveness is minimal, the gratitude is minimal."

(Solo)

Brighter

Gungor: This is not the End

This is not the end
This is not the end of this
We will open our eyes wide, wider

This is not our last
This is not our last breath
We will open our mouths wide, wider

And you know you’ll be alright
Oh and you know you’ll be alright

This is not the end
This is not the end of us
We will shine like the stars bright, brighter

_________________________________

This song has been my theme song for this past month as I have felt like a small green caterpillar exploring her new surroundings for the first time in a new terrifying; yet stimulating terrain. Transitioning is exciting, horrifying, and odd all at the same time. It's almost feels like adolescence when you are in that awkward greasy, slimy shaped stage. It’s weird.

But wait a minute. Hold up. I’m 25. Why do I feel so inadequate?

My eyes have been opened wider and wider to this thing we all do. This thing called life. My vision and the lenses through which my blue eyes see the world change throughout the everyday grind of things and the intentional time seeking God and finding His presence, and other times absence. I am coming to a closure in some areas of my life, but this does not mean my life stops. No, this means my life only continues. It continues, moves, pushes forward.

God has shown me how my life can be bright. He has shown me this not through myself, but through others. He has shown me through the young teen moms I see everyday pushing forward to get their high school diploma. He has shown me through young children who are scared to leave their living quarters for fear of deportation to a world they’ve never fully known. He’s showed me this through a mom who pushes to serve not only her children, but to share love to others while her husband is fighting for freedom in a foreign land. He makes things brighter. In the midst of our circumstances, our pains, our inadequacies, HE reigns. He does. He reigns.

This is not the end. This is not the end of us. We will shine like the stars bright, brighter.

My bright moment of today was making a pumpkin roll. :)

Overwhelmed with Gratitude

MMMM… coffee. I’m sitting here at the “Crazy Goat,” a local Coffee shop with happy baristas, on my day off from reality. I love these days where you can just sit, relax, and ponder where your life is. Ya know? Do you do that? If not, I recommend finding a favorite place, taking a couple hours, and letting your mind think of where you have come from to where you are now in life. A year ago I had returned from a 3 month adventure to the small, but rich green country of Costa Rica. Today, I sit sipping 3 autumn flavored coffees in Columbus, Ohio and yes I am jittery. I’m typing faster than normal with a smile on my face, partly due to the coffee, but also in large part to where I’m at in my life. Oh how life is interesting. It has been 4 months now here in the vibrant Columbus, Ohio. I am delighted to report that God has provided me with a great family to do life with, a supportive and out of the box job, and a vibrant “life group”to share struggles, joys, and cards, the competitive kind, not the Hallmark kind.

On this fresh October 1^st I am thankful. I am thankful mostly today for a God who pursues, uses, and refines us. I am insecure, prideful, and doubting, but God still pursues me. Through my weakness and insecurities my Father has provided me with a family of support. I have a couple shout outs to people God has allowed me to do life with these past 4 months. Kanako, Abby, Francisco, Sophia, Isa, Alex, Xavier, John, Brian, Lisa, Catalyst Clan, Diane, Mcgregor’s, Warehem’s, Carey’s, Mom and Dad, Bridgescape staff, Jill, and of course Jono.

My heart is filled with gratitude by the kind hospitality, listening ears, and cards played. I am overwhelmed with gratitude.